I try to be a good person when it comes to people, but I’ve tried a gazillion times with a hundred gazillion different friends/buddies/partners/pals all these years and no one can say it better than my beloved Mussolini.

The reason I like hanging out with my college friends is because they are all successful. They are at the top of their careers, are financially-secure, and have hobbies outside of work/regular coffee dates. Successful friends DON’T NEED ANYTHING FROM ME. We hang out because we want to.

Unsuccessful friends adj. (uhn-suhk-ses-fuhl fr nds) – those who can’t support themselves financially, are in emotional limbo, or both – are very annoying. They do not call or email me just to say hi. They only contact me when they need help with a problem, which is every waking moment of every single day. When they invite me to dinner, (a) I have to pay, (b) we have talk about them and them alone, and (c) I end up doing them a favor, or (d) at least wasting a minimum of two hours feeding their needy egos. Like I said, they are very annoying adj. (ver-ee uh-noi-ing).

The thing with these ver-ee uh-noi-ing uhn-suhk-ses-fuhl fr nds is that they make me feel guilty. I can’t dump them/ignore them/not help them. But I’m quickly losing my patience and just want to cut them off from my life.

That’s right, I’m tired.  I’m tired of trying to help people and figuring out later that they don’t want to be helped.  I’m tired of my wasted efforts draining my energy to the point where I’m so sick and depressed my own life becomes miserable.  I wish I could just say fuck you to everyone and live on, but I just can’t seem to shake off the guilt.

I think the problem is that I don’t hang out with the right crowd, people with kindred spirits. Or maybe I try too hard? Oh wait that’s not it. I live in the wrong fucking country. Yeah.

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 18th, 2007 at 9:08pm and is filed under reflection. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.