I try to be a good person when it comes to people, but I’ve tried a gazillion times with a hundred gazillion different friends/buddies/partners/pals all these years and no one can say it better than my beloved Mussolini.

The reason I like hanging out with my college friends is because they are all successful. They are at the top of their careers, are financially-secure, and have hobbies outside of work/regular coffee dates. Successful friends DON’T NEED ANYTHING FROM ME. We hang out because we want to.

Unsuccessful friends adj. (uhn-suhk-ses-fuhl fr nds) – those who can’t support themselves financially, are in emotional limbo, or both – are very annoying. They do not call or email me just to say hi. They only contact me when they need help with a problem, which is every waking moment of every single day. When they invite me to dinner, (a) I have to pay, (b) we have talk about them and them alone, and (c) I end up doing them a favor, or (d) at least wasting a minimum of two hours feeding their needy egos. Like I said, they are very annoying adj. (ver-ee uh-noi-ing).

The thing with these ver-ee uh-noi-ing uhn-suhk-ses-fuhl fr nds is that they make me feel guilty. I can’t dump them/ignore them/not help them. But I’m quickly losing my patience and just want to cut them off from my life.

That’s right, I’m tired.  I’m tired of trying to help people and figuring out later that they don’t want to be helped.  I’m tired of my wasted efforts draining my energy to the point where I’m so sick and depressed my own life becomes miserable.  I wish I could just say fuck you to everyone and live on, but I just can’t seem to shake off the guilt.

I think the problem is that I don’t hang out with the right crowd, people with kindred spirits. Or maybe I try too hard? Oh wait that’s not it. I live in the wrong fucking country. Yeah.

Remember the classic lesson about sand in your palm? How you have to grip it a little so the wind won’t blow it away but not too much so you don’t squeeze them all out? Well I was talking to Lee about relationships and it suddenly hit me that we men are like that. We like our women to need us to give us that sense of importance, but when they become a little too possesive we run for our lives.

Does that make sense?

I guess men have this ego that tells them “we’re the boss don’t mess with us”. We can’t be caged, put on a leash, and so on. We want our freedom. Our women may worry, but that same freedom that lets us check out other women out there will always bring us home at the end of the day.

We are after all loyal puppies, we just want the illusion of liberty.

I just saw Saw III with Vie at the Orchid Mall and she’s hanging out with her girlfriends now. So I thought I’d wait here at Dunkin Donuts for a while surfing the web. Sitting here alone with my laptop I realized that there’s something different about me since last time I did this. My hair is shorter now, and I have an ethnic silver ring around my forefinger. I don’t slouch as much anymore and the screen of my laptop is brighter. There isn’t coffee on the table. I have a wristwatch. Lol. I actually have some control over the course of my life now, and it feels great.

Saw III was stupid smart.  Bali was great (yea I know it’s been weeks since I went and promised to tell about my trip).  I basically took a break from work with Vie for a week.  We didn’t do much but lie on the beach and eat and drink cheap expensive meals.  It’s great to have money in the bank and a business that runs smoothly.

I mentioned about the search of energy.  It was basically my search for God.  Scientists call it energy, I call it God.  And I found that the answer to getting what you want is simple, ask for it.  Just like water, how good it is for the body and everything but no one just drinks enough of it everyday, getting what we want is also that simple but no one actually bothers to ask anymore because they just don’t believe.

I retired my iBook on the 1st and let Vie use it for her blogging.  In place of it I bought me a MacBook Black, hence the brighter laptop screen!  ;-)  The wristwatch is a Valentine’s gift from Vie and the silver ring is something I picked up in Bali when we were walking down Poppy Lane.

It’s wonderful being a Mac user, although sometimes I suffer from the differences when Winfuck users try to inflict agony in my computing life.  For example I can’t attach images when emailing my clients or they’ll get it embedded.  There is no Picasa, but thanks to CrossOver there is Picasa.  Lol.  So basically I don’t have any problems with it but everyone else seem to.  Jess was here with her boyfriend yesterday and she talked about how she hated the Dock so much because she couldn’t get it to do what she wants properly.  Then I taught her and she began to understand.

I know this post is all over the place, but I guess in life you just gotta keep an open mind.  Even when something seems so absurd or even demented, there’s no wrong in trying to comprehend it first.  There’s usually a good reason why things are a certain way instead of your way.  When you make peace with life and everything around you, you can get anything you want, because life is more beautiful that way.

Oh by the way, I didn’t eat any donuts.  Maybe next time.

The Secret, the Universe, Energy, you name it. Does it really work?

Two months ago Vie was worried about money and she was thinking about getting a day job to help out with our finances. I told her the story of Moses, when he had to take the Israelites out of Egypt, how they had to go through the dessert eating manna everyday before they can reach the promised land. The moral of the story was that life will be hard if you want something bigger. You have to work hard and persevere through the hardship. Yeah you won’t eat steak like you did in Egypt (or you won’t enjoy the cozy environment of your old office cubicle, the friends at work, etc), so fucking what? You’re doing something bigger now. Anyway, I told her that January will in fact be tough, and that if she stuck with me (doing our work) throughout January I promised her that February would be good. Heh.. February will be great! Now I didn’t know shit when I said that, I didn’t know how February would be good but in my mind it just has to be good. We had no choice. Either February would be good like I said it would be or one of us would have to get a day job to fill in our expenses.

Guess what?

It’s February and we made about triple what we normally make in a month. Crazy huh? Then Lee came out of nowhere with the Secret and whether you believe it or not I tell you it works. Now I’m a Christian and I believe in God and all that, so the way I get it is that God probably created the law of attraction as a mean to control the universe. Other people might believe in the law of attraction as something purely cosmic but I choose to believe that it’s part of God’s divine work. But whatever, it doesn’t matter what you believe I guess, it only matters that it works.

Lee channeled his thoughts on a 5 pounder the other day and he was standing in line for a burger and the lady in front of him took out a 5 pounder out of her purse, then he looked back and the gentleman behind him was holding yet another 5 pounder in his hand. LOL. He also has been struggling with finding a job for months - and the moment he channeled his thoughts on a job the phone rang and it was the job agency, he now has a great job (or stepping stone as we like to call it) and he’s well on his way up again.

I somehow need to work on my believe system, I haven’t had much faith in anything lately but the fact that February is really awesome made me believe again. It was the law of attraction at work even before I knew anything about it. Now I just gotta focus on making ten grand a month (it’s not greed LOL believe me I have tons of urgent needs) then I would be able to solve most of my problems and help a lot of people around me.

Do you believe?

It’s funny when you’re finally starting to get what you want you start to wonder why. Why now, why this, why that, why me? Well at least I do. Maybe I’m a thinker, or maybe I just worry too much. All these time living a fucked up life maybe all these good stuff are just to good to be true? Maybe I’m dreaming? Or perhaps, it’s the alcohol again. Damn.

I just got home from Budhi’s place. It’s 5am here. We had a few shots of Chivas. Dee was there too, no girls though (I’m trying to behave). I miss someone.

I’m talking to Alex on MSN now. We need to get business running again. Two months of lazying around, I think that’s enough break even for people like Donald Trump.

Ok I’m out, I hope you guys liked Selvie as much as I did do!