Burning My Past

Sorry for being absent all of a sudden. But then again it’s like me so I guess it’s no headline. OK this is probably a good time to vent, I can’t hold this in any longer. I’m moving. I’ve just been here for a very long time and it’s time for another chapter in my boring novel.

I’m OK. I just need to go through this. I boxed the things I want to keep, things I want to remember. Everything else is burnt. There were massive tears involved. Not mine though. As I stood there making bonfire out of my past the whole world cried for me. OK so it fucking rained. I guess the droplets bonded with the smoke particles and brought them straight back to earth, preventing my misery to pollute the world. Sudden funeral I should say, works just right for me. No need for those ashes to fly off to neverland and land right back on my scalp one day.

I kept Nikki’s box though, can’t let go of her yet, and Lie Mei’s and Crystal’s too. The only three bitches delicate humans I ever really loved. Maybe I’ll burn their memory someday, but not today.

The boxes are staying in Indofucksia. Actually I’m down to one box. It’s amazing how I burnt so much of my life out. I’d started off with ten boxes had I boxed them all.

I’m only carrying my laptop backpack and a duffel bag with me. So I guess this is a clean reboot. I’m moving to Kuala Lumpur for a change. It’s almost like switching from Windows XP to Mac OS X, something I just did a few weeks back. Crap. Deja vu?? I hope the Malaysian government would give me a three month visa on arrival. Otherwise I only have one month there, then I have to figure out my next step. 5’11″ brown eyes, bad left knee, bad eyes, somewhat disfigured. Anyone interested for adoption?

Parting with my past junk was tough. I was supposed to start Friday afternoon but I spent the entire weekend reading old love letters and flooding my bedroom. No I didn’t really flood my bedroom but that thing above the guts (my heart, is it?) hurt like every string was pulled in different directions. Memory sucks. So does purging them, sucks even more like a big chunk of yourself is being yanked away from you. I’m headless. Oh no!! Fuck where’s my fucking arm??!! Oh shit.

You’ll only understand the horror if you know me personally. I’m a tough weepy bastard at heart. You never see me cry though, cuz like I said the whole world cries for me.

Right so I’m moving to Kuala Lumpur. Or am I? We’ll find out around Christmas. You will be able to tell for sure if you email me then and trace my reply.

I promise I’ll get things moving again around here as soon as I’m done packing. Only a couple of things left to take care of, like the rest of my exeses (that a word?) scrunchies and underpanties.